Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Against The Rain

More than anything, I suppose this is just an entry to say that I am still alive, still dieting, and still going up and down like the proverbial yo-yo. NaNoWriMo is now over, so that's one less stressor, but it's also a loss of a distraction. I've been so hungry this week, it's quite bizarre. It's of course that Time of the Month, although...I don't know. I'm desperate to get into the sixties, and it's tantalisingly close. I think this morning I was about 70.5kg, so...yeah. Not that I would usually weigh during the week, but I was being naughty. My weight was about 71.5kg a couple hours ago, but I only know that because I was stressing over the weight of a box and that was the handiest way to check. Huh.

But yeah, Christmas is coming, and with it the usual downpour of sweet things. I've already decided to break on Christmas Day, but otherwise? I am going to be saying no to any and all offerings of seasonal joy in edible form. It already seems to be pissing off at least one person at work, who got very snotty today. We were planning Secret Santa, and I said: "Look, much as I'd appreciate the thought, any food I'm given? Will be eaten by my brother." It wasn't as if I was being snarky when I said it, nor is it that no-one I work with isn't aware already that I am on a very restrictive diet. But yeah, one person was being quite vocal about how it's "all for fun" and we should "like what we get" so...I don't know. But my brother's always hungry anyway, so there's that.

Otherwise, I wore a medium dress to work today; bright red for the first day of December, and a couple of my workmates were saying that if I lost much more weight, there'd be nothing left of me. Which is a bit hilarious, as I still have twenty kilograms to go. My mother was also chatting to me on the phone and asked me what I wanted for Christmas; she said "There are a lot of pretty things here, but I have no idea what size you are now." "Oh, twelve." "Twelve?" Then she asked how much I'd lost, I replied only ten kilograms, and got "Only?" back. Huh. But yeah, to be honest, I am baffled by my drop from an eighteen to a twelve while only losing ten kilograms in between. Weird, if you ask me, but I guess from here on in the size drop will be less rapid?

I am looking forward to getting my jeans back from being altered on Friday, though. I bought some size twelves in my favourite style on Saturday in what I thought was advance of need, knowing that I would need the legs shortened and that it takes the dry cleaner four days to do it, but...they fit already. And my size fourteen ones are bothering me right now because they're too loose around even my monster ass, so...go figure? I just wish the actual weight wasn't being so slow about shifting, as it's going to take at least three or four months longer than I'd thought. And already the lack of chocolate is driving me to distraction, although that could just be Christmas. Seriously, I bought a box of Favourites for packing with my parcels in the weekend and I could have murdered one of those baby Moro bars. Fortunately I didn't, but...yeah. Temptation sucks.

Right now, though, I best go do some writing, have a shower, and then read some Japanese before bed. I'll still be hungry, but at least I won't be able to dwell on it...


  1. Oh fun, workmate saboteurs. That's like my boss who when I first started constantly commented on how skinny I was and would make a fuss to everyone about how healthy I always eat. I think trying to get her to stop doing that (attention? I hate it) helped contribute to gaining back 14 pounds in about 6 months. It's a jealousy thing. They wish they had the same willpower, but since they don't, they try to break down their own so they don't feel so bad. "Well, Claire's on a diet and she ate it..." "Ruth's supposedly so healthy, but I definitely ate better than her..." yada yada.

    I'm being taken out for lunch to celebrate my birthday tomorrow by my boss and coworkers, and I really don't want to. I'm not in the mood to relax my intake--I'm feeling great eating less this week. I don't want to deal with her commenting if I choose a healthy option or heaven forbid refuse dessert.

    I'm rooting you on to do well through the holiday season. Give yourself a "feast day" on Christmas Day, just try to only eat until full and you'll do fine. がんばれ!!

  2. It's kind of odd, in that my workmates were really supportive to begin with, but it's turned a bit odd since...I'm already being asked if I'm not sick of the food and things yet! Never mind. In the end, this sort of thing is our choice and if we can do it...then we do it. <3

    I hope that the lunch went all right for you; I did find it hard at my work function last month in that I wondered if I ought to have the brownie and my GOD I loved that bread a little too much, but in the end...we make our choices, and we have to make them for ourselves. I had cake the other night and I understand now I made the choice for someone else, not for me, time? It's all about me, dammit.

    But yes, it shall be "feast day" on Chritmas and then back to the grindstone. I want to be a size ten by the time I get to Perth...

  3. Actually, lunch went well. A coworker from another city has lost a lot of weight since she started here (used to get tips from me), so my boss focused in on her and her food choices instead.

  4. Oh, god, isn't it almost funny when that happens? O_o I'm fortunate in that I have one other workmate who has basically permanently put herself into a body-sculpting training programme, so at least I am not alone in saying that I don't want to eat crap or drink alcohol. I have to admit that in the end we both kind of share the comments, though to be really honest in general we're really well supported. Christmas just isn't a good time for bowing out of the food festivities...

  5. It really is hard. I'm lucky to be in a new location this year, where there are about 100 people sharing 1 break area (before, only a small portion of us shared a break area). So by the time I know that any goodies have arrived, the voracious Online folks have already demolished them (or horded stacks to take home).

  6. The only thing that really bothers me is when the food is actually IN the dispensary. For reasons I will never understand, the two male pharmacists I work with have to be "staunch" and never take breaks. Including lunch. For ages this gave me a massive guilt complex, but after having worked for six months in a situation where I did a similar thing with no choice in the matter (I was a sole charge pharmacist) I refuse point-blank to ever be that stupid again. But it means that people bring them food into the dispensary, which is not a great idea in the first place, and it always ends up sitting beside me when I'm checking dose packs. Grrr. If it's non-aromatic it's usually fine, but when it's little pies and things I get quite antsy...