Friday, December 10, 2010
Far From The Crowd
I've never been a very social person. I think it's just my personality, as even though I remember having friends as a child, I was always perfectly happy to play on my own, too. It really only became noticeable when I was in intermediate and then in high school. I mean, I always had friends, but I didn't go out as often as my friends did, I rarely went to parties, and I just...wasn't very social except when I needed to be. This has led into my being fairly anti-social as an adult, and also has something to do with my reluctance to be involved in relationships (it's twofold; one, I don't feel like I'm good enough, and two, I'm too selfish). But I am finding that this diet makes me feel more isolated.
It's not a huge thing, but I just felt like mentioning it because I need to work through these things in order to get through the diet and to come to terms with the new person emerging from underneath the insulating layers of blubber. I noticed it at work today particularly, though it's been around for a while; it's the oncoming Christmas season that really emphasises things. Because people share candy and sweets and talk about how delicious it is, and they don't include me. Obviously they know I can't have these things and so think it's better just not to mention it to me, but...it's a small staffroom. And it's like being talked about like you're not even there. And I can't stand that. I do try and work through it by getting involved in conversations even if they're food-centric because talking about food doesn't generally make me want to eat it, and certainly it doesn't make me fat. But...yeah. It's awkward. And is just another thing that I need to think about, as I continue on this bumpy road to success.