Monday, December 20, 2010

End Week Twelve (More or Less)

I don't typically watch a lot of television. I sort of got out of the habit when I first went to university, which was (OH GOD) more than ten years ago. Basically if I don't have easy access to something, I do without it. Unless I really want to make the effort. Ha. Actually, that was one reason why I lost weight when I first moved to the UK (it was too much effort to get into the kitchen, given it was tiny and one of my flatmates in particular was so childishly selfish that you could be in the middle of cooking for yourself and she'd just come in and shove you out of the way because if she didn't get to eat the moment she wanted to, she threw a fit). But yes, watching television? I just don't do it much. I currently live in my parents' house and because they always watched them, I never got to...right now I am house-sitting with my brother, and you'd think that would mean I would get a chance to now. Well, it's summer and therefore cricket season, so the only cable-enabled television is always on the sports channels, whether or not he's actively watching it or not. So, basically, I continue not to watch television.

What has this got to do with anything? Well, on Friday night I was knackered after a bastard of a day at work and decided that I wasn't going to spend the evening writing. Instead, I flicked on the television, intending to watch something vaguely Christmassy on DVD. I however instantly ran into Gordon Ramsay making food and being a prick, as he is wont to be. And I was enchanted. Bastard. My sister and I used to watch him a bit when we lived in Oxfordshire, but I never really had any particular urge to make anything. I'm not a cook by nature; I can bake, but that's because I'm a pharmacist and baking is basically just (usually) edible chemistry. But now I'm cross, because I am collecting recipes and wanting desperately to make so many things. My current obsession is a brioche recipe; quite why I think I'd be able to make it, I don't know, considering I haven't made leavened bread once in my entire life. But there you go.

...the brioche is sort of the fault of one Diana Gabaldon, mind you; a fan of her books decided to make one of the odd recipes in there for herself, and her take on the pigeon and truffle rolls came out as some rather delicious looking quail and morel mushroom sausage rolls, though the pastry was actually a form of brioche. Now, of course I can't eat these things because of the carbohydrate content, though how I want to try to make it. Hmph. It doesn't help that a wonderful member of the Diana Gabaldon folder on the CompuServe forums has offered to send me some Lord John Grey blend tea, which...I also probably shouldn't be drinking, but dammit, I want some. <g> It's an Earl Grey blend, but I believe it has orange blossom or something in it, and technically fruit teas? Are currently off the menu. But I'm being a brat. It's likely better than brioche, anyway.

But yeah, I have seemingly started a recipe collection of "Things To Make" when I am officially off this diet. But I must shame-facedly admit that at least two of them are likely to be attempted while I am on "holiday" in February. I don't want to go overboard while I am in Australia, but I just...want to try living with food again, instead of against it. I know complete abstinence is the only way this works for some people, but I don't think it works for me. I can maintain it for weeks, but months? I don't think it will work, I think it will ultimately lead me to failure. But I am having to be very careful this week, as I have planned to spend Christmas as a "norm." Which isn't to say I'm allowed to stuff my piggy wee face -- it means I am back in the real world and will have to make sensible choices about what I am putting in my mouth. But because I know this is going to happen, the temptation to start early? Is definitely there. It's not going to happen. I can be strong until Friday night, dammit.

Still, when that tea arrives, I am going to have to fight the urge to make brioche to go with it. Ha. Actually, I might take a trip out to Bella Kai sometime over the Christmas/New Year period to see what sort of gamebird they actually have. I really shouldn't make these rolls, and I likely won't, but I have been meaning to go out there. Maybe they have venison -- I'm actually allowed venison, and some different red meat would be nice. I'm actually allowed ostrich too, come to think of it...and kangaroo? Ha. Not that these are easy to get around here! Frankly I doubt you could even get pigeon, because while we have kereru -- in fact, they live outside my house -- they're protected to the point there are road signs warning you not to hit them. Although I tell people they read CAUTION: KERERU more because they're the nearest thing we have these days to the Haast's Eagle. Ha ha ha. Keep your windows closed, kids. For god's sake, just keep them closed!

Otherwise, the end of week twelve was yesterday. I only lost 0.6kg over the week, but considering I ate cake and a pikelet on Wednesday night to stave off fainting at a meeting and I also had extra crackers and fruit Thursday for the same reasons, it was a miracle I lost anything at all. I seem to have come right this week, at least, and my blood test this morning was an interesting experience. The phlebotomist recognised me -- I'm not sure entirely how, as I have a terrible memory for people and often struggle to place where I've met someone before. But she could see how much weight I'd lost and was impressed and happy for me. And one of the other pharmacists at work, who'd been away last week, arrived to see me in Saturday's new dress -- a size small, would you believe -- and announced I was fading away. Score? I think so. But I have been struggling the last few days to accept that I've lost this weight, but on Saturday when I got the dress and then the medium Blue Banana t-shirt and then...on Sunday I took some pictures in my underwear and flicked back and forth between them and the beginning ones, and...yeah. Wow. It's just...quite an experience, I think. I honestly cannot believe it's been twelve weeks. And I suppose that is what is going to keep my sticky fingers out of the brioche -- the fact that I got this far.

I also bought a bracelet for my twelve-week jewellery reward. It's very lovely, and another reminder of the fact that I am getting somewhere.'s to another twelve weeks on-target? Mostly? Ha. We'll see...

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