Sunday, January 23, 2011
End Week Seventeen
So, I haven't got a weight update today -- I decided to stick to my original thought, and let it go for this week. It's not going to tell me anything useful, after all, so...yeah. But now I'm cross with myself because I was doing really well today and what did I just do but eat a little marshmallow covered in melted chocolate. I spent all day messing around with baking and saying NO, and then at the end...ah, well. The week begins anew? I'm thinking I've fallen into a kind of maintenance mindset, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, save from the point of view that it's prolonging my misery -- but I am largely eating properly, just having little treats now and then. Although that really needs to stop now, so...here we go again?
I didn't weigh today, as I said, but there is something to cling to -- I actually slept properly last night and I believe that helped somewhat, as when I woke up and got dressed, I noticed how much flatter my stomach looked this morning. Water retention, I suppose, but it actually gave me a fright. In a nice way, of course. But that was interesting. I decided to go cheer myself up some more in general by buying underwear and a new nightie at Farmers, and I ended up at Kathmandu again. There's a travelling dress there I'd seen just after Christmas, and it was still on special; I got cross, though, because they had no size tens in either colour. The shop assistant said she could get some from Queenstown, but asked me to try the dress on either side to check the fit. And...I came home today with my first size eight. It's not quite right, but it does fit. And that...well. I need to cling to that whenever I want to deviate this week. I can fit a size eight when seventeen weeks ago I was a size eighteen. So...yes.
I don't really like posting photographs in this blog. But today? I think I need to. Just...to remind myself of what I am doing, and why I am doing it. So, first of all, I'll have a picture of me...god, I think it's in April of last year? I'm not actually sure. But I bought a dress from Blue Banana for the first time; it was a rockabilly polka-dot thing with a full rara. I adored it. I still do. It doesn't fit. But...this is a picture of it at the time, obviously with me in it:
I'm not actually sure what size the dress is -- probably a sixteen or thereabouts. But yeah. This picture made me want to cry, for all I adored the damn dress. But in September I started all this, and now...this is me in the size eight dress I bought this morning:
So...yes. I need to refocus again and just...keep on, keeping on. I know I can get back on the wagon, because I've done it before. Although this wagon-jumping hasn't been planned, which is really the issue. I feel so out of control. But the dress...it reminds me of why I need to take that control. Oh, and for a laugh, I suppose we might as well have the Lara Croft shot, too:
I adore Lara Croft for so many reasons. I'm not going to list them here, that's silly, but suffice it to say a couple of years ago I started playing Tomb Raider: Anniversary on a whim and suddenly became fascinated by Lara. This is relevant just because last night I started flicking through a picture folder of Tomb Raider stuff I saved months ago and haven't looked at since, and...it was really odd. Because when I made the folder, I remember looking at Lara and wishing I could look even a little like that. And now...here I am. I'm no Lara Croft, certainly, but I'm not the sad fat little drab I was. I'm a confused as hell skinnier-than-I-was little drab, but...I want to work this through. I do.
I just wish the roof hadn't fallen in on the stadium, I rather want to take up rock climbing. ^_~