Thursday, January 6, 2011
So, it's been a few days...and a rather strange few days, actually. I went through a real downturn yesterday due to work-related stress; while I didn't deviate or leap screaming off the wagon, how I wanted to. Suffice to say it's a very long story and I am distressed even now because the next two or three weeks are going to be absolutely nightmarish. And stress at work has always been a trigger for me when it comes to emotional eating. I mean, if I was having a bad morning at work before the diet? Lift Plus and a Moro bar. Every time a coconut. It certainly didn't help that I never had breakfast either, but...yeah. I am finally really beginning to feel and see the difference between cravings and actual hunger, so...between that and really recognising the triggers, I suppose I'm learning. Certainly I've decided that in post-diet maintenance land I will have to continue having breakfast and will always need to have sensible snacks on hand. Which isn't to say I can't indulge now and then, but celery and fruit and crackers and carrot sticks, that sort of thing...needs to be the norm. Muffins and slices and chocolate and cake and biscuits...not so much the norm.
Still, today was a funny wee day weight-loss wise; work had calmed down considerably after the bombshell and drama of yesterday, and I was chatting to the retail manager about something else when she and one of the shop girls got to talking about how good I looked. And I got my first real official "I think you need to stop" admonition. It wasn't a lecture or anything like that, it was more observational than that. But they were very surprised to hear that I am still technically overweight, though only by two or three kilograms (!). I am really looking forward to getting to the "normal" status on my Wii, actually. Hopefully I'll be a kilogram closer on Sunday...but it has got me thinking about the end of the diet.
I have set myself the ultimate finish date of the 25th of April -- that's ANZAC Day here, but also ironically it's Easter. (I say "ironic" more in the sense that it kills a stat holiday for us, rather than for the rebirth metaphor!). I think I can have it done by then, even with ten days of relaxed rules while in Bunbury...mostly because I don't think I want to pull the plug at fifty kilograms. I think I'll pull it at 54kg. That's the weight my Wii calculates for my height, and as far as I am concerned that takes me well into the "normal" weight range. I'm also concerned about what I will look like at that weight...because I am actually sitting here right now in size 10 trousers from Max. They're not quite right yet, but they go on easy enough and they're certainly not indecent -- I could wear them out of the house. They're just not quite comfortable yet. But if I go down to fifty...what am I going to be, a size 6? I don't know what that is in US sizings, but it'd be edging close to a zero, I think. I don't want to get anywhere near that. I want to be slim, but I want to be healthy with it, too. So...yes. 54kg is my current aim, but we'll see how I feel after the next five kilograms. I want to lose those before Bunbury, which is four weeks, which is doable as long as I don't let the stress lead me astray...
With that said, I am going to make a cake this weekend. It's more the decorating I'm interested in, mind you; I want to use my pastry roll decorator thing, and I want to raid my lemon tree and my mother's rose bushes and make chocolate leaves. Huh. I really am going mad. I did make those croissants and pains au chocolat; they didn't prove well enough to bake properly, but by GOD I am the Queen of Pastry Layering. I am going to have to try it again, but when I myself can eat them. Not sure when that will be, because for all I want to finish by April's end, I am planning on making more ANZAC biscuits and then Hot Cross Buns and other Easter-ish biscuits and muffins that week. Combined with an egg, it's...a bit of an uh-oh scenario. They'll be lots of lettuce to come after that, I can assure you...
Otherwise, a couple other amusing things...when I was making croissants I took a picture of MYSELF THE BAKER, as I tend to photo-diary my baking escapades on facebook for the amusement of my friends and family. One of these pictures, though...it was of me reading the recipe, and I got the response OMG, YOU ARE TINY! And it's a fair comment, as I myself looked at the picture and kind of went O_o WTF. It's hard to understand how I could look that small and yet still be considered a fatty. I was also asked on another photo how much farther I was going to take this, so...yeah. Definitely considering the end now, although obviously not for a few more weeks yet. Hmm.
The other funny story came from my workmate. She was dealing with a customer I see now and then, though I was busy and passed them by as I was wandering in and out of the dispensary. My workmate snagged me after she'd left and said: "You know that customer? She asked me to tell you that you've lost so much weight and you're hot! She said we should call you Miss January!" Oh, we had a good laugh at that. I think a lot of this effect, mind you, comes from my current dresses -- because I wear them with a belt, and it's a medium, and I can cinch it right to the last notch. My hips are still noticeably large, but because my waist is small and my curves are kickin' (HA HA HA) it generates an effect that makes me look smaller than I am. I'm not an hourglass, more a pear, but I've always had a waist smaller than it ought to be, given the rest of my proportions. I need to start buying corsets again, as obviously none of my old ones fit anymore. Hee!