Saturday, October 2, 2010

I Need Some Sleep

 
I hadn't ever actually intended to make this a daily diary, but I really did feel the need to confide a wee bit in the blog today...and I suppose that's what it's here for. It's just that today I've been feeling a bit down. I've had the impression from the forums that most people in the first week have felt lousy the first three or four days and then they kind of slide into the Zone; I seem to be having something of a backward experience, in that I was largely better during the week than I have been today. Dammit.

I think some of it can be explained by the fact it's a Saturday and I haven't got work to distract me from wanting to eat -- I did do most of my binge eating while reading on the weekends, after all. In fact, I bought a new book this morning and while I was reading this afternoon the need for something to chew on was overwhelming. I should have tried some gum, come to think of it, but in the end I just went back to trying to write (I can't eat when I'm typing!). It's also because I'm in serious denial about how behind I am in Japanese, and am actively avoiding studying. I now have to do all that tomorrow, which means I can't really do any advance cooking for the week like I'd planned. I was just so tired today, although like anything that's just an excuse.

I think I'm both looking forward to and terrified of tomorrow morning. There's the mozarella cracker experiment, for starters, but it's also the first weigh-in I've allowed myself. We're supposed to weigh monthly, but I gather from the board people often weigh themselves when they know they need to. I myself know I'm not a daily weigher, but every week is probably what I need because I seriously need motivation. I haven't lost it, exactly, but I am just tired. And when I am tired, I am grumpy. But I'm so scared of getting on that Wii board tomorrow and having it tell me I've gained -- this is basically what happened every time I tried to do an exercise regimen. I seriously doubt it will happen tomorrow, but if it does...it's going to give my confidence a serious hit.

...so...stayed tuned?

On the positive side, I finally found some courgettes -- yay, a new vege for my stir-fry experiments! -- and I am rediscovering the delights of cooking with fresh herbs. The only other time I've done that is when I did a ten day detox in 2005, which...didn't go fantastically, actually. I think I started it on a Saturday and it basically fell to pieces the following Saturday when I just couldn't bear life without chocolate any longer. I tried to get carob, but all the carob at the supermarket had marshmallow and candy sticks and...you can see where this is going. My experience between that and this, mind you, has been very different. I remember being ravenous the entire time I was on the detox, and cooking took so bloody long. This diet...it's a lot simpler. Just far more restrictive. Yet here I am on Day Seven and I haven't fallen off the wagon yet, despite having been offered all sorts of disallowed foods over that time. I was somewhat concerned this morning in that while walking down the street I was struck with a massive bout of dizziness, but as I'm prone to vertigo anyway it may have nothing to do with the diet. Otherwise...yeah. I also went shopping at the local recently-opened fruit and veg store and finally found some bok choy and got a bag of Braeburn apples for a dollar fifty. I felt like such a little farmgirl. ...which is really for the best, because even after this is done, I'm going to have to keep eating all this fruit. C'est la vie, I guess...!

3 comments:

  1. Mozarella cracker experiment? I suppose I'll find out tomorrow if you continue on your daily blogging.

    Hopefully the tired/dizzy feeling with subside. I assume that whatever the specifics of your diet plan are, they are at least giving your body the minimum calories needed to function, right? It's mostly about not eating certain less-than-healthy stuff rather than restricting the amount of food overall?

    Inspired by your current attempt, I've gone back to monitoring my eating. I would like to lose the weight that I regained, and also maybe finally figure out my connection with food. First time around I lost all the weight, but I didn't quite fix my food relationship. This time it's a little bit wanting to get back down to my goal weight but also making myself think about why I want a particular food. Often when I consider the why, I realize I didn't actually want it, it was just mindless stuffing. I was quite proud when last night Robert got out a bag of chips to munch on and I started to grab some, remembered that I wasn't hungry and had already eaten my calorie allotment, and finally realized I only wanted them because they were there. Survived that temptation quite well. ^_^

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  2. I ended up not doing the experiment this morning! I might try it tomorrow, if I wind up waking up really early. I woke up kind of late this morning and decided to have yoghurt because if I left it much longer, I wouldn't be having lunch until late...

    There IS a restriction on how much I can eat, but in my opinion the meals about the same size as they should be. It's actually the first time I've felt really dizzy since starting, so I'm not really convinced it was the diet...unless it was just because I hadn't had my crackers yet, which are really my only source of carbs. During the week I always eat one at breakfast and two at around ten-thirty, and I hadn't done either of those things by eleven yesterday, so that was possibly it? We'll see.

    But yeah, it's about listening to your body, which is something I've never done before. That's what the refeed part of this programme is about...reintroducing foods and discovering which ones set you off. And also remembering we don't need to graze all day to live. <3 I'm really glad to hear that you're examining that, because I know I'm going to find it so hard. In some ways, this diet is the easy part because it's essentially out of my control. When I have options again...well.

    And congratulations on the chips! <3 <3 <3

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