Friday, October 1, 2010

The Taste Of Thin

While I've had more than one challenge so far this week, tonight was by far the greatest -- I went to a restaurant. I'm not even one week in! Fortunately, it was just for coffee and dessert as one of my workmates is finishing next Thursday. I just ordered a pot of Earl Grey and happily sipped away while the dozen people around me ate delicious desserts. Again, I felt that tug...but not a hunger tug. More that emotional "I wouldn't mind some of that..." thing. Yet my body was not really interested. There was no craving, just a vague sense of wanting to have what a week ago could have been mine. So, that's all for the win.

I am really pleased with that lack of craving, though with that said I've spent the week having to move stuff around. It's a bit stink to come home from a bad day at work and find the remnants of fish and chips on the bench. While I certainly don't begrudge people eating what they want, it's a bit hard to have the stuff lying around when you're cooking. I don't particularly want to eat it, but as a habitual grazer...I've found myself idly reaching for things. It's just something to do, nine times out of ten, but still. It's a bit of a pain.

I feel a bit bad, actually, admitting that I have quietly adopted that mantra at the back of my mind -- "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!" I know pro-ana groups have latched onto it, certainly, but I'm not applying it to all foods. Just the foods that got me into this situation in the first place. So, we're on a break right now. And thankfully so far even when we pass each other out there in the real world, we can make eye-contact...but I don't have to rush over and beg forgiveness and plead: "Can't we please start over?" No, right now I'm strolling down the parkway with the taste of thin at my side, and...we're getting acquainted. Maybe by Sunday morning we'll even be hand in hand. We'll see....we'll see.

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