Sunday, March 13, 2011

End Week Twenty-Four, it's time to take stock -- officially this is the end of six months on this plan, although I was off it for five or six weeks in the end there. I had figured I'd be long finished by now, but I'm not. And I am not entirely okay with this, but the fact is that this journey is proving a lot more curious than I'd first accounted for. Although it was entirely possible for me to lose all the weight in that time, I'm not sure that it would have worked in the long run. And that's because I know now that my issues with food go very deep, and I really need to work very hard in order to understand and live with those issues.

I weighed this morning and got a kind of variance between the Wii and the WW scales; I'm going with the Wii's, because I want to. It gave me 63.1kg, and that will do me. So, that's 3.1kg to lose in three weeks. I can do this, dammit. I am just so ready to get out of this Fat Zone and start living my life again. I think that's really the issue right now; I feel kind of like I'm living on the outside again, or on pause. Which is ridiculous on the face of it, as this is helping get me into a position where I can actually live my damned life, but I never realised before now how much of life revolves around food. It's really quite ridiculous. And I appear to be dealing with this by becoming a domestic diva, as if I can't eat the good food, by God at least I can supply said food. My consultant said back when I met her in February, actually, that it's not uncommon for people on this diet to take up baking and whatnot. I think I understand why -- it's a way to be near food and its social aspects without actually consuming it. And in my case, for all my training as a health professional, I just didn't understand a damn thing about food and its effects on my body. Mostly out of wilful ignorance. Now, I am learning. So...yeah?

Here's another curious thing -- I am currently reading recipes for soupe à l’oignon. ...yes, French onion soup. Did I ever mention that I loathe onions? It's not so much the taste, because I will use onion stock for flavouring things, but actual onions? I tend to avoid them, unless I have blitzed the hell out of them in a blender or food processor first. And you should have seen the faces I used to pull in Paris whenever my father ordered this dish. He ordered it a lot, too -- he really likes the stuff. I never tried it, and now I do regret it. I regret not trying a lot of things while overseas, actually (although not the snails -- I'll never regret that). I do find it ironic, that I was a fatty but I couldn't ever be said to "love food." There were so many things I wouldn't eat. Basically I just ate easy carbohydate-laden rubbish. My major food groups would have been rice, potato, bread and chocolate. ...with the occasional pasta dish thrown in. I also drank Lift Plus at least once a day, which was a meal in and of itself kilojoule-wise. So, there was no way I was a foodie. I was just eating crap. Now, I want to be a foodie. I want to explore.

So, at some stage I am going to spend a long and lovely Sunday afternoon making soupe à l’oignon. You really need to spend hours doing it to get it right, after all, and by the time this diet is done it will be coming into winter, would seem like a good time to give it a go. And if it doesn't work out and I think it tastes awful, well, I can always get out Nigella Express and go with grilled cheese and slaw, ha. Although I'm not and probably never will be a voluntary fan of coleslaw; to be honest I'd probably make a little prawn and avocado salad instead.

I do need to stop mooching around here obsessing about food, though. Half my problem right now is that I read too much recipe-wise and then get depressed because I'd like to give something a go and I just can't. Although once I have done my Japanese assignment, around four this afternoon I am going to experiment with a flourless roulade, so there's always that. Once again I don't get to eat it, but I do get to do something exciting with food. That's enough, now.

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